How to create boundaries in relationships
Discover the importance of setting boundaries in relationships and how it can improve your overall well-being. Take control of your happiness.
by Mya Auguste -CREATIVMAG’s Wellness Columnist
Can you believe that we are already in the year 2025, let alone in week three of it? I know I can’t! As I reflect on my life during 2024 and navigate through 2025, I’ve realized the true value of time. To me, time is more valuable than money. In my opinion, you can always find ways to make more money (not saying it’s not important); however, once time is gone, there’s nothing you can do to get it back or create more of it. It truly is precious, and it’s not until your health is at risk or you experience the loss of a loved one that it really comes into perspective.
When I think about the countless days I spent in the past saying yes to things and people that I knew did not align with God’s purpose for me or the path I was on, I realize that I sacrificed myself and my time for others. There were times when it was out of love, out of the kindness of my heart, but if I’m being honest and transparent, a lot of it was due to people-pleasing.
People-pleasing cost me time. It cost me my voice. It cost me my desires. It cost me a lot, and many of those things were and are irreplaceable. I realized that I decreased my own value, which had a significant impact on my self-esteem and self-worth. It was expensive.
Ephesians 5:15-16 says, “So be very careful how you live. Live wisely, not like fools.You should use every opportunity you have for doing good because there are evil times.”
You see when I was saying yes—even though my heart, my discernment, or my intuition said “NO”—I was self-sacrificing. I wanted to be so accessible to everyone that they could count on me, but some of them didn’t deserve it. I didn’t have the wisdom or discernment to differentiate. I equated being “the one you can count on” with loyalty, assuming they would do the same for me in return. Boy, was I wrong? That was living like a fool because I compromised myself out of fear of disappointing anyone, whether family or friends.
Let me break it down for you. The more you say yes to others, the more you say yes to things that are not aligned with your purpose. You begin to feel empty, and exhausted, start to doubt yourself, and even self-sabotage. And I could keep going. If you continue this toxic behavior for years, you will feel depleted, with no sense of worth or value.
Want to know the craziest part? The ones you went above and beyond for—the ones you made sure were happy and supported—may not even see the value in your sacrifices. They may take for granted that you’re always going to be there, always going to make time, and always going to say yes, even when internally you want to scream no! But when the tables turn (and they will), you’ll notice that THEY will not give YOU the same access you gave them. That, my friend, is hurtful.
Don’t believe me? I implore you to try this for one to two weeks: stop being the one who checks in, calls asks to have dinner or spends quality time. Go silent, and you will see if your absence meant anything to anyone.
For those who notice, they appreciate your presence. For those who don’t, it wasn’t your beautiful soul they were drawn to—it was the access to you that benefited their selfish needs.
A therapist once told me during a session, “Mya, don’t reach out to anyone for one week. Don’t call to check up, don’t call to say ‘I miss you,’ don’t call to have dinner—NADA.” She said, “Do it for one week, and you will see how many grasses you were watering and who was watering your grass.”
This taught me such a valuable lesson. I was too accessible to everyone. Whether it was a conversation, an event, or whatever—Mya was on deck. I began to question: How can I be valuable? How is this adding to me if everyone has access to me, yet when it’s my turn, it’s a one-way street? I couldn’t be mad when they didn’t appreciate me because I didn’t know my own worth! I didn’t even respect how valuable I was to God because I reduced myself to pennies when God said “I am the head and not the tail“. I lacked boundaries. I tied my worth to saying “yes” to everyone while saying “no” to God’s purpose.
When I reversed this—saying “yes” to my purpose and more “no” to what didn’t align—I lost some people, and that’s okay. I am learning to be okay with losing someone if it compromises my self-worth or happiness. I limited my access. I wasn’t so quick to be everywhere for everyone. I listened to my intuition—if she said no, then no it was. When I realized the power of my “NO,” I began setting boundaries without explanations. I no longer needed to validate or justify my reasons to anyone. NO was enough. Because validation is only needed for parking—not for my happiness or peace.
Limited access isn’t about thinking you’re better than anyone else. It’s about knowing when to say yes and when to say no. It’s about saying yes to the things that align with God, your heart, and your purpose. It’s about knowing your value, adding tax and interest, and never putting yourself back on the discount rack.
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